well, this is dead

for the 3 of you that follow this, and if there was anyone that didnt follow this officially but rather checked it sporadically, i must be the bearer of sad news to inform you that my bloggy thoughts have moved venue to http://eulmost.blogspot.com/

check it.

la la la la la

so, lets pretend the month of june never even happened. theres no bloggy proof of it, so i postulate that it's nothing more than an urban myth.

now that i've dispelled that pesky month, lets move on to more serious things.

like...

hm..

my sister recently revamped her blog (and by revamped, i mean switched URLs and such... her new one can be found here: http://www.jessicalynette.com/ old one here: http://paulsbride.blogspot.com/ )

the fact that she was so involved with her blog reminded me that i should at least give some update on mine. the original intent of this blog was to review various books and CD's, and occasionally movies. i've basically strayed from that rubric and now all i really do is ramble about whatever i feel like rambling about.

but, now there shall be a return to my original purpose; i shall review A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller.

there's the cover.

my small groups leader gave it to his small group as a parting gift for us venturing into the big, wide, scary world (thanks james,) and i must say, it was quite a bit better than i was expecting.

the basic idea put forth is that we are all living a story, and it's up to us to decide what type of story we'd like to lead (to a certain extent).

theres an extended analogy throughout about how writers don't really have much control over what their characters do, but they do have plans for them. Mr Miller makes the same connection between God and us. he says God has a desire for us and a desire for us to live our lives a certain way, but as long we ignore Him, our stories will stagnate and lack meaning.

in AMMIATY, Story is defined as "a character desiring something and overcoming an obstacle to get it" (or something like that). it is assumed that our lives are like that, but unlike books or movies where there is one definable climactic moment where everything gets better, real life only has small victories; however, these small victories are where we get meaning.

i didnt enjoy the spacing of the story (1.5 i think) as i would read a lot of pages but not really have any substance from them. his narrative style is wack, but not wack enough to be considered brilliant, just annoying. the idea's raised are excellent though, but i think i would prefer them to be boiled down the to the sheer basics, then expounded on in more detail and less story.

that being said though, it makes sense to tell a story about story through stories.

overall, i'd give it an 8 out of 10. (as a frame of reference, twilight is 0 and Mere Christianity by C.s lewis is 10).

and i have probably already plugged this song on my blog, but i think i'll do it again, just because it's so great!

Allah Allah Allah

by

mewithoutYou

i probably redirected my anger at english into this blog post, but i can deal with that because it's 2 am and i still have 6 paragraphs to go.

So, I’m taking a break from my English essay (which is coming along well, I’m just sick of it) to write a blog. As I do not have interwebs on the computer I’m typing this on, this probably will not be posted for a while. But, it will have more capital letters!

On Thursday, basically everyone slacked for youth, so we had some discussion circles, with the topic being the church. As I have strong opinions that I had yet to work out, I didn’t want to dominate the circle with my views as I formulated them orally, so I sat silent and kept the question sheet with this blog in mind.

And now, dear readers, you shall be blessed with the fruits of my procrastination!

1. What is the church?: basic enough question. Basic enough answer: the church is the body/bride of Christ. I was taught a while ago that there are 3 divisions of the church. I can only remember two. Local and universal. Fairly self-explanatory. The local church is the fellowship you have with the believers in your area, at whichever church you attend. The universal church is the collection of all the saints pre, present and post right now.

2. What should the church look like? Not the way it does. We are called to be a light onto the world, yet so often it feels as though we’re only illuminating the corner we reside in. We’ve lost sight of the concept of being ‘in but not of.’ If the church was to become its intention, the world would be radically changed. Imagine what even 25 people setting out into the world, with purely Christ-like intentions, could accomplish. Too often I find myself falling into adherence of the letter of the law, but not the spirit. I won’t discourage someone, but I certainly don’t encourage. I won’t hate someone or show them ill-will, but I wont go out of my way to make their lives easier. In short, I’m usually too proud to wash anyone’s feet. And, a discouraging thing that I have noticed is that a lot of the people who do take that step of servitude often quasi-complain about it behind closed doors. My diagnosis is that the church is ill, but not gravely ill. If it was truly going downhill, we’d all notice and revival would erupt out of desperation. Instead, it functions on a quarter tank and we tell ourselves that it’s fine.

3. What should the church not look like? It’s not that the way it is now is the way it shouldn’t be, it’s that the way it is now is the infantile version of the way it should be. There are a lot of things the church should not look like (coughWestboroughBaptish’church’cough) but I think that right now, the greatest thing to watch out for is insincerity.

4. Did you feel welcomed by your experiences with the church? Yes and no. most churches have those lovely little greeter people who stand at the door with a large, hypnotic smile and practiced lines of mostly-sincere small talk. On the surface, most people in most churches are rather friendly and inviting. However, getting under the surface is a much more difficult process. Acceptance is such a sought-after thing, and it’s heartbreaking that so many youth groups that I have been to have an outcast. Or a few. The person that does not quite fit the standard. And I’ll admit, I’m guilty of this too. I’m really not sure how to change it either. Most people are so involved with the lives they have that they’re not willing to allow another person and another set of problems into their already ‘oh-so-complicated’ lives.

5. How much do you feel you should contribute to making the church what it should be? How? Basically, I should give it my all. I am the church. We are the church. The church as an entity relies on the believers as individuals. The only way I can really make a difference is by being as Christ-esque as possible. And the only way I can be Christ-esque is prayer and supplication.

Back to English.

Song currently playing is

Reveries of Flight

By

Oh, Sleeper

So, I’mma gonna recommend that song as your song for the day.

essays? not happening.

i'm terrible at doing homework. i actually want to do it, cuz i think this essay will turn out well and won't just be a hunk of 'must do this for marks'.

however, i have no work ethic..

so, i thought i'd writea blog about a little band my drummer recently showed me called Oh, Sleeper.

Oh, Sleeper is, under my definition, a technical hardcore band. some people call them metalcore, but they seem a bit too heavy and more intelligent than most metalcore.

musically, they're not that exciting (breakdowns and riffs can only go so far) but lyrically, they're freaking gorgeous.

not even simply gorgeous, they're also imaginative, provocative and risqué in a religious fashion.

their first full length, entitled When I Am God, is a concept album with a bunch of lines written from the perspective of God. presumptuous, but so well executed.

lyrics from "Charlatans Host"

What happens when I turn and run again? And again, and again?
"I will forgive you."
And what happens when I lie to your face?
"I will forgive you."
Oh my God, I can be so defiant to some one who's arms stretch to me.
"I will forgive."
Don't give up on me! Don't give up on me!
"I have forgiven you!"

it's such a perfect picture of the forgiving nature. while some more fundamentalist people might abhor this for some well-rationalized reason, i'd throw up a rob bell quote and say that "God has spoken, and the rest is all commentary."

of course, a fundamentalist probably won't be satiated by rob bell.

moving on.

Oh, Sleeper got even risker on their second LP, where they occasionally assume the viewpoint of Satan. the aptly titled "son of the morning's title track contains these lines:

Every night I start my rise, climbing high into the morning sky,
but soon after I lose your bride and I damn Your Son for stealing my light.
This world is mine...
They call me the son of the morning.
I can mound all your fallen past the clouds as they roll in,
and when I do I will claim your throne through all these cowards you call your sons.
I am the lord of air and my dawn will last forever.
Go on pouring out because in the end I will have them.
"If you could see like Me you'd see you haven't won anything..
If you could see like Me you'd see, it's by My grace that you're breathing."

it's such an interesting idea and gives such an awesome perspective to, well, everything.

i think we often forget the whole 'roaring lion, seeking to devour' stuff, because it's easier to fake a full existence when there is no enemy aside from ourselves.

back to basics, part 4

one of my friends spoke this week at youth about encouraging/discouraging words.

i know right? sounds like veggie tales.

surprisingly though, it was excellent. (surprising because this was her first time speaking solo at youth, and also because it seemed like a rather tired topic.)

but i've been thinking about the idea a lot lately. words carry a friggin ton of meaning.

of course, me being the sarcastic cutie pie that i am, i often abuse words for a sardonic hit of humour.

retrospectively though, sarcasm probably isnt the best base setting to have. while i'm not really concerned about offending people (if sarcasm actually upsets you, then i have a letter for you. it goes like this:

dear you.

grow up.

much love.)

i'm more worried about how it will shape my view. or something like that.

anyways.

i've heard a few people say things like 'i want to say 5 nice things a day' or something like that. admirable, but i'd rather go more for 'if i see something nice worth pointing out, i will.'

it seems more sincere.

oh wait, it is.

.. anyways

words permeate society. but unlike a lot of other things that are everywhere, words dont lose their effectiveness just because they're exploited. we just dont notice how effective they are. which is dangerous.

i had some other mental point about how the modern church sucks, and i was going to tie it all together beautifully with a wonderful flourish and leave you thinking long into the night, but for now you're just going to have to imagine i did that.

song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f70H5tXyZXE

timothy haye by mewithoutyou.

just because it was playing while i cleaned my room and i like it when aaron echoes 'hey'

if i didnt have better things to do, i would never update this blog.

i'm a bit of a prat. lie. i am mostly made of prat.

however, i am a fairly self-controlled prat. the majority of my more nasty responses are fairly well subdued, but lately, they've been even closer to spilling out of my mouth.

i was a bit curious as to why, but then it occured to me: i havent done devotionals in quite a while. it's weird how affected i become when i'm away from scripture. i enjoy living in the delusion that i'm a nice guy, but really, i'm absolutely horrendous.

being away from devotions has made me degenerate quite a bit as a person. as interesting as it is, i do think it should stop.

so, if i've been overly harsh to anyone.

well, i guess they arent reading this. since, as far as i know, 4 people do.

but, i do need to adjust my views of people.

moral of the story: do devotions or be a douchebag.

song:

wylie-maylene and the sons of disaster

I'VE CAUGHT THE SICKNESS ONCE AGAIN!

...

The older I am the less feeling I have
Without the gospel losing the truth, I'm losing the truth

a tissue will not help

i am not a complicated person. that is an outright lie. but at the same time, it's a blatant truth.
anyways,
i hate school.
shocker.
an 18 year old male hates school? who wouldve thunk it! but seriously now.
i hate it for atypical reasons.
i dont think it's 'gay' or 'stupid'. i hate it because it's failing.
i think school should have two or three main goals (i say two or three because i have yet to figure out what i think on this matter, and i'm far too lazy to edit something as worthless as a blog post.) now then, school should set out to accomplish these basic things:
1) teach students facts.
this is obvious. and it is obviously not working. i am certain that if a i met a teenager from 50 years ago, they would have quite a bit more relevant raw data at the tip of their tongue as opposed to know-a-days. of course, that data might be wrong and irrelevant in the modern world, but they would still have more of it. which means that we should be teaching students more (presumably) correct facts today. of course, we aren't. we might be trying to, but eavesdrop on one average student/teacher conversation, and i swear you'll think they both have brain damage.
2) train students.
i'm serious. we should be forced to do things we dont want to do. high school is INSANELY easy. there is actually no reason why the average person should fail. (yes, average is a lie, but you get the point.) we have no accountability, no consequences. i have outright refused to do culminating projects, and i still have an above 80 average. i have no reason to try, because i have no reason not to. teenagers are stupid. we need carrots and sticks. but not just any sticks. we need large, sharp, poison, pointy sticks. we should use the vegetable and tree piece to train students to have work ethic, or gumption, or something. my high school is filled with people that are dead on every level except a drug level. and i'm not even sure if that is a level.
3) make us use our knowledge.
if you havent noticed, my blog posts are filled with lowercase letters. this is because i am lazy. i have no reason to care. no one is going to judge me in society because 'i' isnt 'I'.
heck, no one is really going to care that this entire post has gone completely off kilter and is now focusing on my grievances with society, not just the schooling system.
whatever.

it's 11:20 and i have homework to do. this homework was due 3rd period today, but because of the disgustingly easy system i'm in, i could hand this in at the end of the term and probably still get marks.
i'm not sure about you, but this disgusts me.
but, i dont care enough to change it. it's a cycle.

meh.

song:
solidarity
by
enter shikari

and now the floodgates will open.

the vigorous life

last week in writer's craft we watched Fight Club. since the teacher is a 'responsible' teacher, he felt the need to tie our watching of Fight Club into something scholastic, so we had to examine different themes in the movie.

my group got 'the vigorous life.'

i dont feeling like being old and english and pulling out the definition of 'vigorous', but the basic idea (that i gleaned anyways) is meaning. identity. adrenaline.

over the last few weeks, i've been contemplating identity and where people get it. to throw my entire high school into one basket, i'm going to say that most teenagers gain their identity from very few sources, the main ones being: clothes, drinking, and random sexual encounters. (one could argue that they also draw their identity from their friends, but since their friends are just as lacking as they are, it's a bit circular to say such.)

so, vigorous life. the thing that makes you feel alive is what you live for. it defines you. people get addicted to things that feel good, things that send off endorphines. whether it's solace in the sensual sentiments of a stranger, straight up saké or saving for sick shoes, my generation has given up on any real sense of ever figuring out who they are, and have resigned themselves to a label tailor-made by pop-culture.

as christians, it's obvious that what makes us feel 'alive' should be Jesus. 'the vigorous life' should be something that arises out of serving Him. of course, thats a rather odd mentality. how on earth does someone achieve the same 'high' that one receives from a mind-blowing concert, but at church? my answer for now: you don't.

one of pauls fixations (no, i'm not going to quote anything. if you disagree with me strongly, get all berian on my butt and shove scripture down my trachea that proves me wrong, otherwise. yeah) is with dying to self to live for Christ. in a way, i think this may be the most 'vigorous life'. all these things that people are living for, shoes, cell phones, sex, sales, summer, cigarettes, sumo wrestling, what have you, they're all self-focused. the endorphines are for ME. the flesh is what is appeased. the spirit is left to go rot in a ditch somewhere.

* i'm not advocating a lack of any of these things, but i'm also not going to explain why i'm not advocating their abolishment, because i'm sure you've heard both sides.*

anyways, this whole idea of dying to self to live the most vigorous life. it wont be the same 'high' as before, because you arent seeking to please the same master as before.

joy would be the outcome of self-sacrifice. living for God would induce security in a way that is completely foreign to the Godless life.

i think that's all for now.

music wise, i'm going to advocate: Danger:Wildman by The Devil Wears Prada.

lyrical exceprt:

when worded correctly, truth is never a cliche

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdGFUYmwXvU

posting. settings. layout. monetize?

hmmmmm... so, i'm currently burping up sushi flavoured stomach gas, and it's delicious.

but, thats not the point of this blog. to quote He Is Legend's 'china white": "OH NO!"

the point of this blog is love.

that all encompassing cure-all that gets posted and reposted more than news of justin biebers relationship status. (still single, if i'm lucky)

anyways, love is all everything ever seems to boil down to. reading 'sex god' by Rob Bell really hammers home the point: the bible is just one, long, convoluted and supremely layered love story. albeit in 66 parts.

also, marriage.

life is marriage. of course, since you are you and i am me, you don't understand entirely what i mean by that. (i think this relates to Deconstructionist philosophy, but i've been drifting in philo lately, so i dont really know)

the bible is really a story of God proposing to us and following through.

marriage is just a way that it is explained to us.

of course, marriage has been completely bastardized by modern society, and most societies really, so the statement that 'life is marriage' is even more confusing and meaningless.

i guess to say 'this is that' is misleading. 'life is all about marriage' makes more sense. but, it's too wordy.

hence.

life is marriage.

(i doubt this made much sense, but i hope you understood on some level.)

music to find:

China White

by

He Is Legend.

awesome breakdown at the end.

a weeks worth of silence

so, hopefully something of meaning comes out of this blog update.

nothing was thrown up here last week because i had a life. i was out living. i came home exhausted and very early in the morning.

i loved it.

to me, summer is exhaustion with the option of being able to sleep whenever or wherever you'd like.

nothing to do, nowhere to be consistently, heat everywhere. heaven. or something supremely positive.

but yeah, another reason was, that since it was march break, i didnt have as many youth related things going on, so sadly, less group oriented spirituality to dissect.

however, i did read 'velvet elvis' by rob bell. good book, nice and challanging. some of his theology seems screwed up, and apparently he pisses off fundamentalists, which makes the little anarcho-punk in me happy.

but in all honesty, fundamentalists are people too. they just dont know how to have fun.

i kid.

anyways, he paints a nice analogy about how the christian faith should be more like a trampoline then a brick wall. we can't make the assumption we know everything definitively, because, we don't. not to say that there is no way of knowing anything (because how could we know that?) but being mule-headed and unflexing in your beliefs isnt going to do anything. and if one brick is taken out, the entire thing is weakened.

besides, it's way more fun to bounce on a trampoline then it is to run into a brick wall.

aside from the content, he also had an interesting writing style. he had a habit of saying something in a very wordy way, then going down a line

and reiterating it in a simple sentence.

possibly with the intention of being quotable, which he usually succeeds at.

anyways, it was an interesting read. but, on to more fun things:

homework

the dichotomy of flesh and spirit

tonight at youth they continued with the whole 'stories' theme, and two of the stories had a shared theme of flesh vs spirit(another one referenced ewoks (win) while another said the word l'like' incorrectly 57 times). it's a rather intrinsic idea to christianity, with the eventual conclusion being that we sacrifice desires of the flesh to advance spiritually.

i think most christians come to the point where they have to make an actual decision to live up to their former decision to be a christian, and decide on flesh or spirit. for some people it's one 'do-or-die' moment, other people it's a process, but i think it's something everyone goes through.

anyways, one of the stories also talked about love (and misused 'like' 57 times).

something that is also fairly basic in christianity is the commandment to love God. it's an interesting concept, to love God. once again, it's something we've grown up with, but, to realize that God is God, and He does love us and wants us to love Him is rather staggering.

let it sink in.

breathe.

so, how to love God? i was thinking about how we express love for other people. there are, of course, the 5 love languages, which is a point that just occurred to me that i'll have to meditate more on.

but i guess for me, when i want to be better friends with someone, or when i care about someone, i want to know. i think desire for knowledge of someone or something is a form of love. i have a voracious and insatiable love of personality theory. it fascinates me to no end how people can be classified, but simultaneously break free of those classifications easily and still fit into them.

yes, that last sentence makes no sense, but this is life; get used to it.

so, i think away to love God is to know as much about Him as you can. obvious source: the bible. it would be, to use super-duper smart terminology, a primary source.

there are other ways to learn about God though. there is introspection, to see how He is working in your life. there is extrospection (new word coinage ftw) which is to see, or discuss how He is working in other peoples lives. there are also other 'supplementary' reads, people like Donald Miller or C.S. Lewis who write things to help clarify God. but, being God, the picture is still indiscernible on a certain level.

so, my original point was that love seems to be the point where flesh meets spirit. it's a basic, human need. arguably the most basic. i'm not sure if there is scriptural backing for this, but it'll make for good conversation in the future.

things of the spirit are more eternal, ethereal and existential.

things of the flesh are more immediate and intoxicating on a shallow level.

love seems to fit into all these categories.

(i realize i have not articulated what i wanted to say precisely, but i dont really have an issue with that. i've given you the foundation for some introspection. hopefully. that is enough. hopefully.)

a song to leave you with:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_E9FoyUsA8

artist: the classic crime

title: the ascent

album: the silver chord

lyrics: none

a parable and a conversation

so, tonight at youth, we discussed the parable in

Matthew 13:31-33

which is

³¹He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. ³²Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches."

³³He told them still another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount^{a]" style=" line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} of flour until it worked all through the dough."

the general deduction was that the kingdom of God starts small, then explodes and expands exponentially. based on that, i've decided that christianity, is, for the most part, dead in north america. bit of a shocking claim, but really, think about the christians you know. think about yourself. probably not living the way a christian should. sure, there are the exceptions, but they're usually ostracized because they make people feel awkward.

but, fortunately, empires collapse eventually. the hegemonic westernized society that is currently choking the planet, has, tops, 100 years left in it before it must give way to something else. not greater or better, just different. no empire lasts forever, as history has shown us. and, weird as this may sound, i kind of hope the next super power isn't so lenient on christians. hearing about the faith that believers from other countries have is staggering. the fact that they could die for what they believe makes it so much more important. here, we get to become one of a thousand faceless individuals with some sort of spiritual belief.

my cynicism is not really fully explained here, but maybe in a later post i'll expand on this topic.

for now though, i leave you with this song:

song: listening to freddie mercury
artist:emery
album: the question (where were You when i was...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F61B_O3R9SE

lyrics:

http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858553204/

excerpt of notice:

You're a Christian/ tell the sinner: "find repentance" "it's your last chance."
You believer, where's your patience?

lyric of the day - mid-day update

song: every thought a thought of You
band: mewithoutYou
album: it's all crazy! it's all false! it's all a dream! it's alright

lyrical excerpt of excellance:

"when we swear, my love is real,

we mean, i like the way you make me feel"

full lyrics:

http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858770595/

actual song:

http://www.purevolume.com/mewithoutyou

(it's the first song)

individuality in a copy and paste society

society has skewered the concept of individuality so much that i'm not even sure where to begin.

...

hmm.

lets skip the introduction and just get on with it.

in life, you always have to make choices. whether physical or mental, choices are the basis of day to day life and are arguably the most important part of human existence.

so, in regards to other humans, there is a mental choice that must be made in regards to how you view them.

they can either be senseless clones with no real originality and therefore no objective or subjective value because they are a dime a dozen.

or

you can view them as unique individuals.

thats it. you can't say certain people are one, and others the other. it's one or the other.

i recently came to this conclusion through using my observation skills! inductive logic FTW!

the more i talk to people, the more i see that yes, there are generalities that are connected, hence the usefulness of things like MBTI, but even within there, the possibility for difference is infinite.

i'm starting to come to the conclusion that every person is one in a million. or rather, one in six billion.

and, its exhausting. life is so much easier when you can view crowds as disposable. to realize that everything person in your school, that you pass on the street, that you ignore in an elevator, that each one has objective value as a person, has a unique story, a unique view point, the ability to bring you to tears with a story from their lives. well, thats an incomplete sentence, but thats how i feel whenever i think of that. incomplete. knowing that there is such a myriad of connections to be made, to be had. it is tiring.

friendships, strong friendships, lasting friendships, take a lot of work. getting to know one person well is oftentimes a struggle. but, getting to that layer, getting under the epidermis and into their innermost chambers is always worth whatever frustration or trials were in the way.

so yeah, this lacked an introduction and any real supporting facts or such. it's just me, stating whats been on my mind. a relevant verse that comes to mind is psalms 136:13-15 (NIV)

for you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

i praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

i know that full well.

my frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

the innermost being... such a titillating concept.

and, the song of the day:

desolate earth; the end is here -by- underoath

link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbJaPDZH7cQ

lyrics:

You said there was nothing left down here
Well I roamed around the wasteland
And I swear I found something
I found hope, I found God
I found the dreams of the believers

Oh, God! Save us all

(best part of the song is around 3 minutes in where the violin carries it into the drums... guh. beauty)

life or something

i swear, somewhere in my mind, a truly awesome blog is forming slowly like a monster out of miry clay.

but in the meantime, real life is getting in the way and i can't focus enough to pour it onto the page.

so, for now, i will re-edit my english essay.

listen to:

forever young

by

youth group

(no link available)

tonight was the start of marchs theme at my yg. the theme is 'stories' or something like that.

right now i'm way, way to tired to go into detail, but i probably will at a later date.

i'd just like to share with you that springvale has a new website up.

www.SPRINGVALEYOUTH.com

there.

oh, and i heard a funny joke tonight:

"what would you do if canada flooded?"

"drink canada dry"

(cue lulz)

so let me introduce myself!... IM A MESS!

story number 1:

yesterday me and a friend were killing time in wal-mart, waiting for everyone to leave a certain store so we could go root through their dumpster (yes, we are 'those people').

whilst in wal-mart, two other guys from our school (who both shared the same name) made themselves noticeable by riding around on the buggy's reserved for people who have issues walking.

while i 'knew' both of these kids, i do not 'know' them. aside from their names, i have little other knowledge of them. that being said, my judgements of them are probably not fair. i doubt they're wrong, but i dont think that i have enough information on them to actually be making character calls.

but, here was my assessment.

they have no potential. i thrive on possibility, on what could be, on the ethereal, metaphysical things. math holds no interest for me, because it's so formulaic. you do this, this happens.

these two boys of the same name, i viewed them as a formula. plug in the same variables, and out pops the same response. since they held no potential in my mind, i wrote them off as unimaginative and dull, hence i could justify not wanting to get to know them.

story number 2:

tonight, my friend was driving me home and as we were discussing who-knows-what, i brought up something fun that my politics teacher told me last semester: homeless people hate each other based on addictions. her husband is a social worker, and apparently the crack-heads hate the alcoholics, and the alcoholics hate the crack-heads. quoth jack sparrow: "funny our world, innit?"

anywhoozle, as i was explaining that odd situation to my friend, i ended my monologue with "it's so weird what people will come up with so that they can feel superior to others."

and thats when it hit me. i had done the exact same thing the night before with those two guys from my high school.

i had decided that since i did not see them as being potential filled that i was therefore better than them because i was a dynamic being who could expand in any field as i so desired. i mentally condemned to a life of cheap thrills and cheap girls.

but, everyone has potential. or at the very least, potential for potential. and i'm very glad that i dont listen to myself on who i should write-off, because there are at least two very amazing friends i would not have.

(not the two from wal-mart)

moral of the stories: dont give up on people.

(for those who care, the dumpster diving yeilded a brand new 40 dollar ipod dock (stellar sound quality) a pair of size 11 DC shoes (brand new) two womens coats (one plaid petticoat, the other a gorrila-esque something) and a pair of womens pants. all new. good times)

and, on to the music of the day:

i was going to say 'the northern' by alexisonfire, but they dont have that song posted on their purevolume (which, btw, is waaaaaaaaay better than myspace) but, they have 'Rough Hands' which is a similar flavor. here are some lines to meditate on:

Sometimes love isn't about how much someone suits you
But, how much you're willing to change to suit them

heres the link to the song:

http://www.purevolume.com/alexisonfire/albums/Crisis

(second from the top)

and, here is a link to the full lyrics:

http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858612839/

God bless and have an awesome thursday! (or whichever day you read this on)

island of theft

a while ago (last year sometime) i was at a show. it wasnt much of a show. the venue was tiny, i didnt know either of the bands and the crowd was weak at best. of course, none of these things should really affect the quality of the music, and they didnt.
the first band to take the stage was visually a bit embarrassing. they had a nice, jovial stage presence, but for the style of music they played (super duper generic powerpop punk) the stage presence was, well, tacky. the lead singer had this weird shoveling motion he would do with both hands and his mic, as if he was trying to dig a hole for his music.
anyways, aside from being flashy and having some catchy synth riffs, they were mostly forgettable. they had a fun merch guy so i bought their shirt, but in retrospect my money could have been better spent on more noble musicians.
anywho, that band is not the point of this post.
nope, the second 'headlining' band is where the topics at. Isle Of Thieves.
even their name is striking. it sounds unexpected. i didnt really like it when i first heard it, and i'm not sure if i would name my band that, but it does have that certain ring to it.
now then, as i stated earlier, the crowd sucked. i'm not sure why they were there, they all acted to pretentious to actually care about music of this sort. but still, they were there and they were stationary. so, to spice things up, i jumped around here and there to the second band. nothing shocking. little head bob there, body slam there.
after the show, the guitarist approached me and gave me a free cd as thanks for crowd participation.
i didnt enjoy the band enough to have actually forked over the 10 dollars for the cd, but hey, if i got it for free, might as well listen to it.


if you decided to skip all that writing, let me summarize it for you: i got a free cd that had an epic line in it:
"you'll never find love in a one night stand/or understand God in terms of man"

now then, i'm fairly sure this band is not a 'christian' band per se (but who can even say what that means these days)

moving along.

i just really like that stanza. i know a lot of people (myself included) have struggled/do struggle with God. in general. since we've grown up with it, we sort of accept the idea. but, just think about it.
God.

mind blowing.

anyways, being that He is God, we arent going to comprehend Him. on some small, human scale we might catch some etheral glimpse, but as for who He is. it's incomprehensible. and Isle of Thieves caught that very nicely by presenting two impossibilities.
props to IOT

just a heads up...

God is good.

English Essay on the State of Masculinity In Modern Culture

The Emasculation Of Men In Modern Western Society

Down through history, cultures have had initiation processes that boys have had to pass to become men. Whether it be in First Nations Tribal life where a boy would spend a night by himself in the wilderness, or in some African cultures where there is bodily tattooing/and or piercing. To either extent, a boy knows when he is a man, and can thus rearrange his worldview accordingly and start to live up to society's expectations of him. However, it is my opinion that this is untrue in Westernized Society. In the homogeneous, 'anything goes', embrace-all-views-society that we have cultured, we have sadly forgotten to create a culture. In this vacuum, generations of children have grown into adulthood with no real knowledge of when they have crossed that line. Along with their lack of indoctrination into the adult world, men have also lost the definition of what it means to be a man. Feminists have diluted and disparaged masculinity, media has undermined it and men have lost the ability to teach it to each other. While some say that this is not a loss of masculine traits and characteristics, but rather a leveling of the sexes, I disagree wholeheartedly for reasons that shall be revealed in my second last paragraph.

Feminism arose in the 1960’s for good reason. Inequality was rampant, and women were being under-represented on every platform and being automatically designated into stereotypical roles of homemaker, nurse or secretary. Even when they did make it into the work world, sexual harassment was rampant and unreported. Feminism was an attempt to stop this and bring light to a bleak situation. However, in their battle to establish themselves as equal, Feminists have taken the war too far and knocked masculinity down to a laughable level. Where there was once a stereotype in the culture of men who loved their families and worked 9-to-5 jobs to provide for them, this idea has been killed. Nowadays when someone says ‘man’ the first thing to jump into my mind is not a levelheaded compassionate father, but rather a lumber-headed compassionless failure. It is my belief that in the heat of the battle, Feminists enacted a smear campaign against an entire gender that has yet to be cleaned up.

This is evidenced in the media. Think back to the last commercial you saw. If there is a family, the man is not intelligent. He does not know how to flush a toilet. He is completely incompetent. His children do not respect him, his wife lords over him, and yet this is seen as normal. Think of the last movie you saw. When was the last time we as a society have seen a damsel in distress be rescued by her knight in shining armor? It is my observation that this role has been completely shifted. No longer do men come to the aid of women, but rather, women to the aide of men. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it does seem rather lop-sided for one gender to constantly be saving the other one.

One possible reason that men do not behave like men anymore is because men have not been taught. Modern society enforces the idea that a ‘real’ man will be interested in sports, be out of touch with his emotions, will have a fondness for beer, illicit sex, and general vulgarity, will be disrespectful towards women and will enjoy every Sunday in front of the T.V. watching football. This image is both sick and disturbing, almost as much as its general acceptance in contemporary culture. In days of yore, masculinity was synonymous not only with physical strength, but also strength of will, spirit, character and heart. However, under the onslaught of social pressure from the media, pop psychology and Feminist criticism, men have backed down from their true role. Tucking their tails between their legs, real men have failed to teach the next generation what it means to be a man. Instead, they have sat back and let the culture raise them. In this, culture has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It expects men to be lazy, selfish, sex-centered and abusive, and so it teaches young adolescent males such values (or lack thereof).

In spite of this, some Feminist’s will defend this by saying that spousal abuse is still an issue, that rape still happens, and that there is still gross inequality in the workplace. These facts are truth. However, breaking men’s kneecaps is not the proper method to get them to rise above what is now expected of them. If change is desired in the system, then it should be espoused. Browbeating does not lead to lasting change; it leads to a shamed face.

Since manhood is in such a dire predicament, the only option available is both idealistic and presumably impossible: Change the media. While this seems like a painfully daunting task, it really is the only solution. Men as a gender are not going to start fulfilling roles that they haven’t been taught about. The media shows us what we want to see. If we want to see change, we need to show our desire to see it, by being the man that they should show. If you are a lady and reading this, then you need to enact change by challenging the stereotype of what a man is, by standing up for yourself and not allowing ‘boys to be boys’, but instead forcing boys to man-up.

this was all written to the lovely sounds of The Album Leaf, a band my loving and lovely sister introduced me to today:

http://www.purevolume.com/thealbumleaf

i wrote this wednesday, but havent had a chance to publish til now

So, my netterweb was being stupid last night, as it is most nights when I want to blog, and I couldn’t connect. So, this will be posted a day late. (for those who know anberlin, I too am now humming ‘so let me get this straight’ to myself.)

Anyways, the reason for this midnight blog is because some interesting things were talked about at youth tonight.

Matthew 7:7-11 was the parable in question, although I think it came from a different gospel… I just recognized it cuz that’s what I did my devos on this morning (dontcha love it when that happens? Gives one such a feeling of solidarity.)

Well, it boiled down to a conversation on the topic of prayer. One of the things I really like about Eastridge Youth is the dialectic way of teaching things. (dialectic is a form of self-discovery that Socrates is credited as inventing, also known as the Socratic method… its where the teacher teaches the pupil by continually asking them questions and the pupil figures things out with a bit of help from the teacher.) So, in our discussion, the point came about that we shouldn’t be praying for the world around us to change. A lot of times, prayer is along the lines of “Dear God, make this happen.” That always seemed a bit screwy to me. It’s not a matter that God can’t make something happen, it’s that He won’t because that goes against free will; and if free will is gone, Christianity becomes excessively meaningless.

What it came down to is that we should be praying about personal change. But not just that God would change us, because, once again, then we’re castrating ourselves. To put it in an existentialist lens, we’re living in ‘bad faith.’ Of course, this does not mean that we shouldn’t be praying at all, or even that we shouldn’t be praying for these things to change, because I’m sure that every prayer has some sort of effect.

(I just realized how odd my usage of the pronoun ‘we’ is… who exactly am I talking to, and why do I assume I have enough knowledge to teach them?)

the point of the discussion was that we should be praying more for strength for personal change. If you want you’re friend to become a Christian, pray a lack of weak knees and an opportunity.

I’m assuming I’ve contradicted myself a fair bit in here (goodness knows I’ve butchered the English language. (or to keep with my butchery theme, “tha englush lunguge”)) but I’m not too concerned since not only is this not a school assignment, therefore it wont be marked, it’s also not going to be read, so it will just float in cyberspace.

Now then, on to some musicality for the day… going on shuffle on my iPod ‘til a worthy song pops up… and the winner is… “such great heights’ by Postal Service. With the wonderful stanza of:

“I, am thinking it’s a sign, that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned/ and I, would have to speculate/that God Himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the flame”

even though that line is totally unrelated to what the rest of this blog was about, I thought I’d share it with you, the non-existent reader, because it’s one of those times when a secular artist presents God in a fair way.

Yep, that’s about it.

I should probably start adding links to all the songs I mention so you, the non-existent reader, don’t have to track them down.

Oh, did I mention I went dumpster diving today? I got a bag full of chocolate. Like, a big, industrial sized garbage bag. I’m not sure if it can be considered resourcefulness or stealing from homeless people. Either way, chocolate=endorphins, so I’m sure I’ll be fine.

i will probably delete this later, but for now, i'm fascinated

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmHcVZNP8n0&feature=related

it's so... wonderful

existentialism, hockey, matthew 6 and other things

so, yesterday morning i opened my Bible to it's book mark and started reading what i thought was john 7. turns out it was matthew 6. both ended up being amazing, but i liked matthew more... which i find interesting. i have a friend who always says that john is amazing, so i thought i'd start doing it for devo's, but i find it a bit, well, dry. good, but not quite as 'fun' as matthew... if that makes sense?

i just find it to be a bit of a reflection of my friends personality. he's rather reserved and not 'fluid' as a person.. if that makes any sense?

idk, he's ISTJ. google it to understand what i'm talking about.

on to existentialism

we studied it yesterday in philosophy. a few errors occurred to me, but i'm not sure if it's the actual existential viewpoint, or merely my teachers version. he's a solid guy, so i think it might be the actual philosophy.

to summarize, the premise of existentialism (e for short) is that 'existence precedes essence.' basically, it's tabula rasa. we are all born blank slates and the decisions we make form who we are. there is no conscience or such. we decide what is right, we decide what is wrong.

the other main part of e is free will. since existence precedes essence, free will is what shapes our essence. giving up one's free will, or letting some one else decide things for you is called 'bad faith.'

this is where my first issue arises. how, when morality is subjective, can something automatically be assumed to be bad? people who live in bad faith are viewed through some rather harsh lenses, and are seen as weak and inane to e-ists, but that makes the assumption that the essence of wrong precedes the existence of the person making the choice to not have free will.

even then, how can one e-ist say that someone else is wrong? is that up to the other person to decide?

anyways, i'm sure i butchered both e and my view on it, and some philo aficionado is going to stumble across this blog and rip me to shreds.

since i'm probably going to be taken down anyways, lets give them some more ammo:

my 2nd issue with e. they say that rationality and reason dont really exist, since people dont use them to make decisions rather differing to their F preference and going off personal meaning rather than objective value.

they also make the claim that most people live in bad faith. what they fail to mention is that most people live in 'bad faith' because living in 'good faith' (doing as one desires and as one interprets to be correct) would cause society to collapse. the reason people live in 'bad faith' and are engaged in menial jobs and do things they rather wouldn't is because they have used rationality and reason.

they know that throwing away their career wont pay the bills, wont buy food and won't help in any real way.

people are rational to a certain extent. they're mostly insane, but simultaneously rational.

on to hockey...

my aforementioned friend plays in some local league. i can't remember the vowels, but i think it's the 3rd worst/3rd best. it's somewhere in the middle, but closer to being not good.

however, it was a play off game, so there was a very intense atmosphere. to quote one of my wittier tweets from yesterday: "This is as intense as watching two fat people eyeing the last twinkee.."

and yeah, thats about it.. nothing noteworthy has happened yet today. i still have youth to attend, but i think they'll just be showing the olympics.. lame.

speaking of twitter, follow me.

http://twitter.com/obama_winfrey

since i'm handing out links, check my purevolume page for mash-ups:

http://www.purevolume.com/atticusgray

oh, and heres a song quote that i will definately be dissecting more in the future:

"how you live means more than what you believe"

- split the sky, kingdoms

psalm 119

got back from Bible study a while ago. a friend talked about the direct correlation between loving God and loving the Bible... in retrospect, i really wish i had taken notes, but the main points went something like this: loving God is reflected in your love of the Bible. your love of the Bible is evidenced by how often you read it, meditate on it, converse about it and teach it.

personally, i think i'm doing better then i ever have before. i'd say my two weakest points are talking about it and teaching it, although i can easily change the former, the latter will require a lot more work.

ah well.

to end, i shall tell you, my as-of-yet reader to go listen to 'deep in your eyes (there is a river)' by jon foreman. lyrical excerpts below:

i can see your eyes moving
looking down towards the shore
you've been searching for substance
you've been searching for more
i can see your eyes moving
it had been twisting around
you've been looking for something, honey
that you haven't yet found

aloha is hawaiin for hello and goodbye... so, i like where we are.

God, if you can hear, can you help me and my friends?
We've been driving all night into dead ends.
We just wanna find our own way home again.
We knew you as kids but lost you in smokey bars.
We lost you in the boom of lowered cars -
in parties that grew into the yard

God, if you can hear, as the sun is creeping down,
Could you kindly point me right out of town?
Honestly I'm sick and tired of falling down.
We knew you'd be here in the fray of darkest nights,
and the sad and holy glow of tv light,
in the blood and the bruise of back-alley fights.

So we're totally deprived,
buried alive
I couldn't help myself to save my life

Totally deprived
Buried alive
I couldn't help myself to save my life [x3]

Totally deprived

those would be the lyrics to the song 'modern day prayer' by twothirtyeight. i know next to nothing about twothirtyeight, only that the singer went on to start discover america. whose one song that i do have is amazing.

anyways, the creation of this blog comes on the wings of a 'jesus high'. you know, the post retreat glow that is oh-so inspiring and gets you out of your bed an extra 15 minutes early to read your bible? but then gradually fades and one is left to wander how you got back in the same rut? yeah, that thing.

except this time, it feels different. having just had a fantastic and eye opening weekend, i thought i would start this to process my thoughts to a certain degree. trying to figure out life is an intriguing thing, and i often think as though my throughts are going to be made open to the world. so, here they are, open to the world.

while the major focus of this blog will be books and music relating to a christian walk, i will probably digress into other things such as personality types and interpersonal relationships, just because they fascinate me.

i think that is all for now.